#the levels of emotion i am feeling rn remind me why

[stopthefeeling]

just read slow show for the first time, gonna throw myself out a window

[zeestie]

🍒 I dare u to do one scary thing in public and you will stop fearing people

rn I am listening to calm sc subs in public cos I don't have my earphones, it was scary at first but literally... no one cares, no one asked, nothing happened, I even forgot I was listening to them (k as I was writing, my sister did ask what's this sound & she thought the rain sounds were mouth eating asmr lol)

also another 'scary' thing I did today was hot girl walking around the halls of my driving institute buildings cos my dad dropped me off there and I had nothing to do after class. did I look weird? maybe. did I get the occasional glance? ofc. but was that a better option than walking outside in heat? absolutely, so why would I make myself suffer just because of some irrational fear of being perceived??

anyway, a few months back, I added this item to my to-do list every single day: "do one thing that scares you to level up"

& guess what? I did level up. most of these situations that used to scare me were interpersonal or social but now I couldn't care less. I can't even relate to concepts such as beating around the bush or social anxiety anymore. I am more assertive, more free in the way I interact with ohters, and much more relaxed.

like I am sometimes confused when my friends are scared of asking a very normal question to my professors or wanna opt out of something just because they're scared, then I remember that used to be & I am sooo grateful.

I am so grateful I changed. I am so grateful I grew. I am so grateful I can be myself in public. I am so grateful I can live in my authenticity.

being authentically yourself is scary at first cos that means when you get rejected, it isn't a fake persona you put up that is being rejected, it is the real you. and that will hurt, a lot.

but how are u gonna find the people who actually love the real u if you've never shown it to anyone?

(+ you will get used to the pain of rejection & getting used to difficult emotions is actually a great way to heal and grow!)

so if you want actionable tips, here's a couple:

• do one thing that scares you every day

add this to your to do list like I did

& whenever you feel that pang to retreat remind yourself that this your chance to level up!

• think of more ways u could be unapologetically yourself

what are ways you could take up more space?

maybe dressing up however you please, dancing it out while going on walk because you're feeling the music, saying what you're truly thinking. the scarier the better!

wish u all the luck in becoming the best version of u ❤️

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts on TBB 3x15

Here we go... one last time

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Honestly thought I was going to be late to the episode but I actually work up at 8:01 am today so I am just a couple mins behind everyone else.

Am I prepared? Absolutely not.

Well that's an ominous noise. Always a good way to start 😰

The Kiner soundtrack is popping off as usual

I just need Hemlock to die

Indispensable? I'm not sure about that, mate. A lot of people have realised the Empire don't need them and I'm fairly certain you are on the list of people who can be ditched

Hahahahahaha the way the droid just starts looming behind her is kinda hilarious

OMEGA'S THEME 😭

Wrecker, bud, be careful...

Look at Omega sneaking around. She's so grown up! 🥲

ZILLOBEAST TIME

"Because that's exactly what I'd do" He's such a proud mum

THE WAY THE TROOPERS COME FLYING OUT OF THE FOG

"Clone Force 99 died with Tech`' well there goes my heart. I think this also explains why we haven't really heard the Batch theme since season 2. That theme was for CF 99 and if that doesn't truly exist anymore...

"It's what I deserve" CROSSHAIR DON'T DO THIS TO ME

"Echo's handiwork or Omega's?" "Omega's." I'M DYING

Omega's theme in this soundtrack is just 🤌

Oh great. We have a whole group of Clone Xs to contend with.

I just need all of the Batch together so that we can get the theme. I know I said earlier that we probably never got it because of a lack of Tech but I still stand by the fact that we deserve to hear it one last time.

These CX soldiers almost feel like a parallel to the Batch. One slightly larger, more hand-to-hand combat oriented soldier, one who fights with blades, a sniper, ONE WHO IS VERY TECH SAVVY 👀

WRECKER AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS NOT GOOD

NOT THE HAND

WTF?!

HELP

NO

THIS IS NOT GOOD 😰

Fuuuuuccckkk Echo's seen them down

"Causing chaos, Havoc 5?" HE'S STILL MAKING QUIPS IN THIS SITUATION I LOVE HIM

"Hey, kid. And... other kids." PLEASE 😭

"We'll meet you there" YOU BETTER DO

Echo and Omega teaming up is everything I ever needed ❤️‍🩹

Hemlock needs to die a slow, painful death

ECHO'S SPEECH FEELS LIKE THE SPEECH HE AND FIVES GAVE DURING THE ATTCK ON KAMINO I FEEL SICK

Rampart looking sus...

This feels like this isn't going as terribly as it could be and that scares me

Aw ☹️ bye, Nala Se. I never really loved you but it's sad to see you go

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU, RAMPART

AAAAAAAHHHH ECHO GOT STABBED

You know what I said 2 seconds ago about it not being terrible? I think I spoke too soon...

YES WRECKER

I'm not liking the position Echo is stuck in rn. That stresses me out 😥

We're not exactly in top form but hey, an attempt is being made

ECHO BE CAREFUL

Soooo... I get the feeling CX-2 isn't Tech...

AW NO SCORCH

FUCK YES!!! Bye Hemlock 👋

THE LOOK ON CROSSHAIR'S FACE WHEN SHE HUGS HIM AAAAAHHHH

Tarkin is not going to be a happy bunny

Oop we got a Project Stardust mention

THE SHOW ENDING WITH THEM ON PABU??? LIKE AN ACTUAL SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING???

I'm crying

Actually sobbing

That shot of them all sat by the tree 😭😭😭

A FUCKING EPILOGUE KMN

I can't breath

SHE REMINDS ME OF PHEE AAAAHHH

GONKY!!! 🥹

OLD HUNTER?!

Omega is joining the Rebellion? 🥺

Crosshair, Hunter and Wrecker all got to live to an old age in relative peace I'm in so many tears rn

Okay but if Echo isn't with the others at this point then where is he??? PLEASE TELL ME HE'S STILL AROUND

TECH'S GOGGLES?!

I'm not okay on any level

Okay, so overall, I'm relatively satisfied with the ending. I also cried about as much as I would have done if they all died so my emotions are still all over the place. Do I think every question we had came to a satisfying conclusion? Not quite. But I think we tied up enough loose ends for me to be content.

And I'm happy they got a somewhat happy ending. Knowing that they get to live a life in relative peace makes me happy, and we know that Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair at least make it another few years. Omega joining the Rebellion also seems apt. As an Echo girly I unfortunately don't feel quite as secure with where we left off. I don't have the same level of closure that I do with the others because we know that around this point in time, he isn't with Rex. But he also isn't with the Batch either. I hope we get to see more of him in future projects because I don't quite feel satisfied with this being the end of his story. He's doing too much for it to stop there.

Also... we were wrong about Tech. The level of delusion we carried throughout this season, my god. 😭 But it means I'm confused by some of their choices. The way they focused on being savvy with technology, the way he moves being similar to Tech, FUCKING DOMICILE??? Like, they have to have known that we would all go that way with our theories so why??? If it wasn't him they why was he written the way he was? I refuse to believe everything we thought was purely out of delusion. Does this mean I have issues with the way Tech's story ended? Yes. But overall I think the show wrapped up fairly well.

I'll try and drop some more thoughts later down the line once I've pulled myself together a bit, but for now I can say that I am content. Completely satisfied? Not really, but definitely content.

[silviakundera]

The Spirealm episode 7 reaction

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

-

I feel like the drama has made LQ much more empathetic and also a bit more clever & assertive (vs reactive) than in the novel.

I think there are 2 reasons for this:

One has to do with theories on the ultimate narrative thread, so I won't dive into this yet, other than to note that repeatedly we see LQ connecting to the emotions of NPCs and inspiring the group to solving situations by treating NPCs as people.

The other is that in a live drama you miss the humor and subversion of expectations in the protagonist's inner thoughts. The cold distance and lack of curiosity (and how that all perversely ends up making him better at the game) is very difficult to effectively portray in a drama without a frequent VO (voice over). So they decided to go a different way, while still trying to stay true to the heart of the character.

Anyway, we get our proof that LQ never believed RN's excuses in the last episode that he didn't show up to this door just for LQ. When there are minutes left and he thinks they might be done for, LQ's move is to turn to the man who wants to be his partner and simply says, "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"This is my door. It has nothing to do with you. You came because of me."

RN's silent pause speaks for itself, though he offers comfort with, "...Not entirely because of you."

"What a pity I haven't joined Obsidian yet" is like code for SO MUCH" (too bad we didn't get more time to know each other)(i regret not getting a chance to truly start a friendship)(unexplored gay longing)

lol while they're having A Moment, miss Best Actress leverages her single status to rise above the moment and actually throw out a solution!

(this whole bit reminded me of how in the novel, other characters would often be like wtf we're all gonna die, I'm in hell, so why am I having to eat all this dog food asdfghjk just disgusted at all these touching couple-ish moments RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR SALAD during mortal peril)

Ruan Nanzhu stepping up to get dangerous 🔥

More pathos, as the drama lays the groundwork of seeing the NPCs as deserving of compassion and having feelings 🤔

The necklace again, this time without protest.

"It looks good on you."

"See you at Obsidian."

(we get a scene after they leave that is VERY INTERESTING to me, in context of the novel's ending - in the climax, LQ is presented with a version of reality where everyone he'd seen suffer in the doors is there and all of the dead resurrected... and here is a vision where the tragedy has been wiped clean) (just makes me think again of the ultimate question, is this is indeed a virtual existence of personified data, true AI, or the supernatural 12th Door)

Another quick glimpse into the door exploring competitor X. Blah blah we think we are very important.

LMAO RN still tempts him into moving in with Chestnut's affections 😂😭

To be fair, that is an incredibly fluffy and cute cat. I too WANT TO PET.

Ok so now they establish that the doors can be months and years apart. I liked this bit in the novel, as the doors allow you to cheat or at least delay death. So as you pass them, the more difficulty the bigger the reward - reward being TIME. (the most precious item of all)

"My cat is quite close to you."

"What's yours is mine. What's mine.... is still mine." 😏

Can we stop the tyranny of iqiyi subs not displaying "Ge", especially when it literally is a discussion point?! He's saying don't call me Ruan-Ge, not don't call me Ruan!!!! 😤

Then the first moment of Lin Quishi seeing that RN is Can Be Hurt and being confronted with the difficulty level of the 6+ doors. RN declined LQ's offer to accompany him and now his door companion is dead.

Ah, competitors X are at it again. The drama really feels like audience needs an external antagonist. Not sure I agree but whatever.

Now LQ, like in the novel, is feeling protective and doesn't want a recovering RN coming with him to the next door.

lmao they've become Those People who gravitate to each other. Whole house of people and LQ is the one hanging out at his bedside and helping him down the stairs.

Cheng Yixie to Cheng Qianli: "If I cared about other people's lives, yours would already be over." (This hits different for novel readers.)

[aztarion]

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely person 🌹

It’s been wonderful to see your art! I really love how you draw Mason and your style in general and am looking forward to seeing more of your art!

Here’s a romance-themed OC question for any OC(s) of your choosing (no pressure to answer on Valentine’s day itself, or at all):

What combination of random objects would your OC use to describe their LI? What do they represent? Bonus question: What would their LI use to describe them?

AND HAPPY belated VALENTINES TO YOU 🥹

im sorry i didnt get to this earlier, i was waiting to be more awake but im literally getting worse LOL. but it made me so happy ;_; thank you thank you thank you, for being far too kind abt my art 😭 im so fuckingglad i finally got a tablet during my crazy ass wayhaven renaissance because there could not be a sweeter group of people to share stuff with 🫂♥️

for the oc ask… well i just gotta do dev/mason theyre in my minds microwave 24/7 rn (hope the ceiling fan falls on them btw)

some of this is a bit more association than true description of character bc i could go on forever listing stuff for both of them.. but for dev w mason it would be two big things at their current standstill:

- marlboro reds; her favourite — she is in the middle of quitting smoking in book 1 so him constantly lighting up with her cigs of choice, as well as just being rude and grating on her already thin nerves, drove her barking mad insane. by book 2 she is floundering hard and asks for one after he shows up at the station. when he says no and that she’s supposed to be quitting she gets a bit pissed and makes him put out smokes anytime thereafter out of pettiness. also reds…… strong, numbingly intense, addictive, etc. sums up the early stages of their arrangement :D

- definitely the wolf cub from the carnival game! deva is hugely sentimental (to a concerning degree — she is a hoarder yay disaster apartment option) though would never admit to it. she still keeps raggedy decades old stuffed animals from when rook was around that she just cannot say goodbye to 🤦‍♀️ and she refuses to let herself get attached to mason on any meaningful emotional level so those budding feelings in book 3 kind of manifest on the wolf cub without her realizing it (i was so glad there’s a little part abt the detective saving their carnival prize after the apartment gets flooded because Very Deva, that thang is her whole support network) (plus when mason inevitably bails during the night she has smth to cuddle because objects dont leave no sir . Rebecca get this girl a therapist)

- and one smaller thing im still playing w is red jasper crystal 🙇🏻‍♀️

maybe she sees them in the crystal store. I colour pick from these when i draw him LOL

for mason wrt deva — not an object but just straight up chaos tbh. at where they are in book 3 i imagine every time he sees the detective his brain is going question mark question mark. and hes definitely not sentimental in the way Dev is that certain objects would have any sort of emotional stir in reminding him of her. mason definitely goes more on how she makes him feel; really fucking good, really fucking confused, really fucking messy (like her apartment which he HAAAAATES), and on a few occasions now… weirdly serene. cant make sense of it; doesnt even understand why hes bothering TRYING to make sense of it but here he is and it’s happening and it has never happened before and THAT is probably the best way he could encapsulate her at this point in their relationship… other than, yknow, encapsulating in other ways 🫢

ty so much for sending this and sorry for sleepy rambling!!!! AND COME OFF ANON LET ME DRAW SMTH FOR YOU♥️♥️♥️

[snonkerdoodledreams]

Duality

a/n: cannot sleep rn!!! Yay!! its a brain rave up there if ya know what i mean (yfm). but this song reminds me of flying and i thought...what about flying like an angel?

and it's about someone who is suicidal. so tw for that. obvi.

The ending. Major. I was taught from childhood that major meant happy.

The beginning. Sad. Full of sorrow. Like my childhood. Someone lost, wandering, trying to find themselves.

The next part. Starting to build. Becoming hopeful. A teenager, becoming their own person. A bird spreading its wings. Budding confidence in its capabilities in life.

A preparation for the chorus. Of the hard parts of life coming. Preparing for what's out there.

An explosion next. Life. Exploring and swooping through her glorious struggles. The beautiful melody, like a reassurance, an explanation of going on.

The next part. New struggles, new insight, new opportunity now that I've reached adulthood. Swoops, ups and downs. Like life must have. Traveling through, so swiftly, so dazzled by everything there.

The piano's solo. The bridge. Hopelessness. Where I've given up and everything is at rock bottom. The orchestra slowly swooping in, being the reassurance of rising once more.

The crescendo-ing orchestra and drums, leading to the climax. Hope. Leading. Preparing for the final test of life.

The beat drop. Like a bird swooping through the world again. With so much more agility and dexterity than before. More knowledge, more insight. More seasoned to this struggle. Not beaten like it once was.

"And you will be okay

You will be alright

Just take my hand right now

And fly right toward the light," the piano sings.

The light. D Major. With the orchestra and the beat drops. Home. The final destination. A celebration of happiness. Reaching and attaining a new level of..spirituality? I don't know. But it looked golden.

Flying through life, is what I thought yesterday, apparently. Now...now I think I hear something else.

Sorrow. Despondency. A lost quality of life--is it worth it anymore? To keep on going, when everything seems bleak? Everything has blended into the same, mundane, boring, gray reality. No color. No vibrancy. None of the special zing to this existence that is, per say, "life".

A golden hand, a golden voice, a girl with golden eyes in the back of my head offers a solution to me. I stare at it. I feel the emotion rising within, as I consider this beautiful orb it has given to me. This wonderful idea. This completely doable action. I can somehow feel my soul rising as I look at it.

The implications of going through with this idea hit me, now. It's going to be hard. Stressful. It might hurt some people...but they'll manage in time. I don't think they ever knew me anyway.

I make my decision. Knowing that it means saying goodbye to the world. The people that love me, and I guess I love them back, because I don't want them hurt. But they'll be better off without a wreck like me ruining things, bringing the wrong worlds together. The things that I vaguely remember I used to love doing. The things that bring me no pleasure anymore. Nothing ever does.

This is why it is liberating. With this idea, I feel as if I am soaring the sky already. Amazing. Hopeful. A world of opportunity. Freedom from this suffocating existence and depression. Freedom from my own mind's torture and pain. The abuse of others. The jagged shards that is me, beautiful and broken. A morbid, but crucial reminder of what I need to do. The decision is set in stone.

Now. Now to plan. Now to discreetly say goodbye to everyone. Give my last hugs, my last smiles...their last memories of me must be good. Signing away my possessions. Writing up a will. Avoiding talk of the future, because I will not be written in it.

And now the horrifying part. Where I stare my fate in the face. Holding the weapon of choice, standing in a bathroom, a little frozen to be honest. Why am I hesitating now? There is a lump in my throat, and it is made of sadness. But it's only momentary--I've made this many preparations. I've come this far, and my mind is absolutely made up.

I raise it. I prepare myself to let it do its deed. I silently count down for no reason, letting it happen.

And I feel free. It's like flying, I imagine. Free of all the horrors of life. No longer weighed down by a body, by responsibility, by the quality of being human. Soaring through the sky, a lone soul, just as I was intended to be.

So happy now. So free. Filled with the exhilarating feeling of energetic serenity that I haven't felt since I was a child. The small morbidity of my actions hit me a little, but they are insignificant.

And now I am racing toward the final light source. D Major. It is golden, I am golden, I blend with it. Spirituality. I join, truly accepting my last resort...which wasn't a last resort at all, but a gift.

[feministbirdcreature]

Ok I am gonna go one step further

Perhaps the psychological reason behind why men seem to enjoy dehumanising and degrading women through sex so much, is because they think the sexual hold that women have over them is degrading. Idk how to explain it properly bc I’m stoned rn, but sometimes when I hear males talk about sex I get the vibe that they are fully aware of how sex obsessed they are and they don’t like it because it’s kinda pathetic to be honest? The male sex drive makes them act like animals whereas as a species we always like to think we are more sentient and enlightened and advanced than other species, and it all makes them very uncomfortable and it probably feels dehumanising in a way to feel like you’re a slave to your urges

But instead of making the choice to act like proper human beings, they just double down on everything. Their sex drives make them feel dehumanised so they take it out on us by dehumanising and degrading us

This is just a theory, but i think it makes sense because from an evolutionary perspective, why would it be beneficial for the males of the species to be really sadistic towards the females? I know that there are some other species that practice rape but the level of psychopathy, sadism and degradation that males display against women is beyond anything else in the animal world, surely? A lot of men love to go on about how this is all natural and men just evolved to be “more aggressive to spread their seed” but no, I don’t think it’s natural because the level of hatred towards the female sex that we are seeing can’t be beneficial to the survival of a species. I think there’s some weird psychological stuff behind it, sort of a human evolutionary glitch that’s making our species hurtle towards doom (patriarchy is so destructive I don’t see our species lasting long). I can only describe the hatred of women that we are witnessing as an evolutionary glitch. This can’t be beneficial in any way to the long term good of the species.

It sucks that as a species, 50% of the population evolved the ability to think more abstractly and intelligently than other species without losing the chains of the most basal male animal urge to mate at all times. It’s a sort of contradiction that the average male with 0 emotional intelligence can’t quite come to terms with. All the extra “intelligence” did was make them better at thinking of ways to make us (and the rest of the planet) suffer. It reminds me of a factoid I read once about how porn is a major driving force towards a lot of technological revolutions. Basically men make and develop stuff to try and see more boobs on a screen. Without emotional intelligence, that intelligence means nothing because they’re treating us like shit, they’ve developed a political system that promotes destructive and masculine ideals and a lot of species are going to go extinct because of the destruction caused by patriarchy.

I feel like I just psychoanalysed all men lol lemme know if you agree guys because I feel like I’m onto something

I learned of a Tiktok 'trend' recently of men taking their female family members, friends, partners etc out on a lovely nature walk, then starting to record and saying "I bet nobody would be able to hear you scream here."

There is not ONE video that the woman laughs in, even when they explain the prank. Not one. For a sex who have been socialised to nervously laugh when uncomfortable, not one of them found it funny. It was mothers who stopped dead in their tracks, their eyes filled with fear. It was girlfriends who started running away in fear, to the laughing taunts of "it was just a joke come back!!!!!". It was sisters who stared these men down, unable to process what this male had said to them.

First of all, the timing is sociopathic. It's not an accident. With Nick "we control your bodies b*tch" Fuentes doing a monologue that undeniably sunk into the psyches of most men, AND the general political landscape for women atm, they feel joy and pleasure at unabashedly making their female friends and family suffer. They giggle at the prospect of making them fear for their life, and they film it for other men to get off on.

Moids continually stun me. After hundreds of thousands of years of oppression you'd think I would understand and expect it, but they reach new heights every time I blink. Deep down, I'm just a hopeful girl who sees men as humans. I try not to assume they're beyond saving, but they're making it harder to believe. They just seem wired for pain and suffering and destruction.

My heart bleeds for the women and girls in places where they have full reign. These demons won't stop until they have raped and destroyed the planet in pursuit of more intense porn to feel a sliver of the emotion women possess.

[elmendea]

the Episode of Unnumbered Tears

 semi-personal Ep 7 thoughts.

I spent the majority of this episode bursting into tears, which is...not like me at all. I think the only TV show that ever made me cry while watching it was Eleven’s seasons of Doctor Who (I literally wept into a pillow for three hours the Christmas that Eleven regenerated and ended up getting a migraine from it. Second most embarrassing nerd-fact about me. Most embarrassing nerd fact is that apparently I yelled “I WANNA BE IN LOTHLORIEN!” in my sleep once.) ROP has managed to make me either tear up or outright sob at least once every episode, so far.

Key moments, that may or may not have involved tears, you’ll never hear it from me (images and spoilers beneath the jump):

- the devastation of the Southlands was chillingly familiar on two fronts: firstly, it looked like what happens to bush and country towns during my country’s bushfire season, which hit a note of terror so deep in me it’s practically innate. But as Galadriel wandered around the desolation, I was reminded very sharply of the scene from “Threads” where (TW for the following link: animal death and general absolute nightmare fuel, I am so serious about this) Ruth wanders through what was Sheffield. Either way, it horrified me on every level.

- Isildur’s horrified bewildered numbness at Ontamo’s death; the fact that he could barely walk away...

- the Stranger trying so desperately to help with a power he can’t control, and causing peril again, completely by accident

- Elrond pleading with King Durin...just pleading. and being desperate enough to, well, de-elf himself. god I got some “that boy probably is thinking about Elros rn” vibes from that scene.

- the tears in Dísa’s eyes when begging Prince Durin to do something. she’s just. she is everything. I love her.

- the questioning look and then the broken realisation on Elrond’s face, that barely-there trembling

- the “namárië” exchange and both Elrond and Durin’s utter devastation; Elrond’s forced smile feels like a knife to the heart

- the look on Galadriel’s face as she realised while talking to Theo that she could see too much of her own situation in his, her insistence that this was her fault and drowning in that guilt

- Elendil’s soft, adamant “Where is my son?”

- the horrifying, stomach-dropping moment of realisation that Míriel had been struck blind, and her begging Elendil to keep walking

- Nori handing the Stranger an apple and just...the both of them, not being able to say anything, the emotion trapped in their eyes. The way Nori set her jaw and lifted her chin against her own sorrow as she watched him walk away. And the numbness that set into her later on. That was painful to watch.

- (also, the little flower that sprouted up from the tree...I thought it was an elanor blossom, at first! Wrong number of petals, though.)

- Theo’s questioning Galadriel, especially asking what the hell the divine plan is in losing his home -- that hit me where it hurt; I absolutely lost it at that point. I’ll elaborate on why someday. not today.

- Durin attempting to tell Elrond his secret name, and Elrond insisting he save it “for the far side”. I wanted to scream at that point. Elerondonya, dearest heart, wisest one, you of all people should KNOW that reaching the far side may never be an option! don’t be foolish!

- the look on Elrond’s face when he was cast out of Khazad-Dum. fuck, if he ever cries onscreen, that’s it, I will be obliterated. you’ll have to pick pieces of my heart up for days.

I can’t believe that I was so worried for bloody months about Elrond’s portrayal. Rob Aramayo is killing it. what a waste of life that was. I love him.

- Durin’s conversation with his father was horrific for me to watch. the fact that sometimes, just sometimes...your parents can be wrong...is such a heavy burden. especially if it seems they’ll never realise it. especially if you still love them despite that. that whole damn scene was wonderfully awful.

- the way the Dweller moves is sinister. She hasn’t even uttered a word and she’s dripping with malice. She terrifies me.

- Elendil pleading with Beric, the pain in his voice. the absolute flatness in Valandil’s response and the resignation in his eyes when Elendil curses picking Galadriel up. that boy gets it, he gets the guilt and the pain and the rage -- he’s the perfect lieutenant, really.

- the medical tent scene ALSO gave me the screaming horrors “Threads” vibes...this time, the (TW: same deal: absolute nightmare fuel) hospital scene. damn, I’d love to pick Charlotte Brändström‘s brain about her film influences; it would be so fascinating.

- Theo hugging Bronwyn...then hugging Arondir. and being the one to initiate the hug. and the look on Arondir’s face as he hugged him back. I am a sucker for chosen families. I am a sucker for chosen families that are absolutely bound by love.

- the naked, raw pain on Galadriel’s face upon seeing Míriel, eyes bound, still upright and proud.

- Míriel touching Galadriel’s face and NOT breaking, drawing strength from her and vice versa.

- Elendil turning away and breaking down just ripped my heart in two. we all know Isildur isn’t dead, but I hurt so much for him anyway.

- Poppy stepping up without hesitation when Nori makes to leave. without a moment’s hesitation. friendship goals, right there. Plus Marigold becoming a real mama bear, and Malva being hilariously blunt and not half as much of a cow as we thought she was. I can’t help it, I do love the Harfoots.

- yes, I know the leaks say Halbrand is Sauron, but...I just can’t see it. it’s too odiously obvious if it’s true. (and, y’know. leakers CAN tell lies.)

- okay, but can we talk about the big helping of character development we got from Dísa the Glorious this episode? she has no qualms about disagreeing with the king, whatsoever. we can also see her...I want to say greed, but I don’t think that’s the right word -- more the hunger she has for her husband to rule, and I think it’s out of love for him, and for the hope she has to move her people forwards. We’ve seen the steel in her since we first met her, now we are shown the fire.

- I literally yelped out “ohhhh SHIT!” when the Balrog flamed up. Durin’s bane is in the house. well. in the mansions of the dwarves. :(

- screw Adar and all his murderous little children. screw Mordor. we hates it, precious. but...just...who is he, really? 

[daddyjackfrost]

Akaashi Keiji;

Prompt 6: “There’s nothing you could say to me that would ever make me stop.”

i’m so in love with this man.

warnings: angst? hurt/comfort? fluff kinda? insecure Akaashi, mention of not being good enough, tears, a sweet kiss, akaashi hating himself:(

a/n: this was kinda rushed and it’s 2:57 am rn and i just thought about this and i had to write it. which is ironic because there are like 8 half finished writing pieces staring at me rn but wtvr

!!!! A/ex/g ➡️ Akaashi’s ex-girlfriend

Akaashi Keiji stared at himself in the window of a floral shop. 

His blue eyes raked over his simple attire, messy black hair, and the briefcase he clutched in his right hand. 

Akaashi had planned to stop at this floral shop today to plan and get an order on your favourite flowers for your one year anniversary in two days.

Akaashi couldn’t believe it had almost been a whole year. He couldn’t believe that someone like you stayed with him for a whole year. 

Akaashi reached for the door handle, and then paused. What if he got you the wrong flowers? What if they didn’t come on time? What if you hated them? 

With pursed lips, Akaashi took a step back, and then turned around and began walking back to his car. Akaashi had been a mess all day. He woke up five minutes after his alarm went off, causing you to wake up, and Akaashi had felt so guilty. Then, at work, he had managed to lose a manga panel, which he found after ten minutes, but those ten minutes had been the most terrifying ten minutes of his life. 

Akaashi sat in his car and gripped the steering wheel. His eyes fell on his hands and he frowned. Long and pale fingers stared back at him, and he quickly released the wheel. 

Akaashi sighed and then did something out of character.

Akaashi slammed the steering wheel and let out a quiet string of curses. 

As of right now, Akaashi hated himself. Akaashi had a bad habit of being caught up in his own head and indulging in his negative thoughts, but he had been really good at keeping himself level headed. 

Akaashi knew why he had done a good job. 

You. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Akaashi started his car and began to drive, making sure to keep his eyes on the road and not his hands. His stomach churned and Akaashi had no idea why he couldn’t just stay out of his head. Why did he have to fall into this negative and self-loathing mindset so close to your anniversary?

Unknowing to Akaashi, his subconscious knew why. The only reason Akaashi was on a self destructive rampage was because of your one year anniversary. Akaashi didn’t think he was capable—deserving—of the love you had for him, and it was eating him up. 

Ever since he was a young boy, Akaashi had known that life was not on anyone’s side. Akaashi would have a few great weeks, and then he would have a terrible week. It had become a routine, a sixth sense. Akaashi had been waiting for the terrible week for a while, not believing that he was allowed to have just a good month. 

The writer believed in happy endings, just not his own. Past relationships had made it very clear that Akaashi could not be loved. His last and longest relationship had shown him that he would never be enough, and it was eating him. 

Akaashi hadn’t even realized he was home until he stopped the car and looked up. Slowly, Akaashi turned off the car and opened the car door. 

He was anxious. 

He knew you waited inside, and although a bigger part of Akaashi wanted to see you and lay in your arms, the insecure version of Akaashi, the one he kept hidden, wanted to be alone. Akaashi had always been a calm and collected person, until he wasn’t, and Akaashi hated it when others saw him at his weakest. 

You knew of Akaashi’s insecurities. His anxiety attacks. And even though you have told him countless times that it was nothing to be ashamed of, Akaashi wasn’t willing to believe you. 

Akaashi wiped the sweat off his hands, and forced a small smile upon his face. He knew you would immediately see through his facade, but he did it anyways. 

Akaashi opened the door to his house and was immediately greeted with soft music playing. He took a few small steps in and heard a familiar tune of BTS’s The Truth Untold. Akaashi quietly untied his tie and slipped off his shoes, his eyes on your back as you quietly swayed, staring at two picture frames in your hands. 

You hadn’t noticed Akaashi yet, and he was thankful. Akaashi’s eyes glazed over some of the boxes that belonged to you, and his heart started beating faster. 

Akaashi had asked you to move in with him two weeks ago, so why was he nervous? Why was his heart beating faster at the thought of you in his space?

Akaashi finally cleared his throat and you quickly turned around, releasing a small breath of surprise. 

You quickly put down the two frames and smiled at Akaashi. “Keiji! How long have you been standing there?”

Akaashi swallowed the lump in his throat, and licked his cracked lips. 

Your eyes zeroed in on Akaashi’s slightly pale face, his disheveled tie, and the slight shake of his fingers. 

You immediately took small steps towards Akaashi, frowning when you noticed how shaken he looked. 

Akaashi just stared at you with wide eyes. You were really here. You were really with him. You were moving in with him. All of the evidence was right there, so why was Akaashi having such a hard time believing it? 

You slowly brought your hand up to rest on Akaashi’s arm but he flinched, and you dropped your hand. 

With furrowed eyebrows and eyes filled with concern, you took a small step back, wanting to give Akaashi his space. 

“Keiji? What’s wrong?” 

I don’t know, Akaashi wanted to tell you. Sometimes I look at you and my heart begins to beat faster. I don’t why you’re with me, he wants to yell, when you can do so much better. 

Instead, Akaashi says, “Why are you here, y/n?”

Your heart drops into your stomach but you don’t move. You don’t show your hurt, because you know Akaashi didn’t mean it like that. You knew the signs. Akaashi looked pained, like he had been walking through a storm, except the storm was in his head. 

“What do you mean, Keiji?”

Akaashi dropped his briefcase and ran his hands through his hair. You bent down and picked up the briefcase, and gently put it down on the table. 

You walked to the kitchen and filled up a cup with water, and then walked to the sofa. You looked up and met Akaashi’s clouded eyes. 

“Sit down, Keiji.” You sat down on the couch, motioning for Akaashi to do so as well. “Talk to me.”

Akaashi had no control over his movements, not when you spoke to him with a soft voice and gentle eyes. 

Akaashi walked to the sofa, sitting down on the edge. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. Before you, he never even tried, but ever since you walked into his life six years ago, it had been a bit easier for him to talk and try and explain his feelings. 

Akaashi sighed and rubbed his hands together. Your eyes were on his hands. Akaashi unconsciously dragged his fingernails across his hands, leaving red marks. 

You reached out and grabbed both of his hands in yours. You didn’t look up at him, your sole focus on his hands. You gently rubbed your thumb over the scratches, trying to soothe them. 

Akaashi stared at your actions with watering eyes. 

You both were quiet, your music had filled the silence. You would never force Akaashi to talk, and he knew that, but you also wanted to push Akaashi into talking. Akaashi was intelligent, and he usually found the solutions to his concerns as he talked. All you did was make sure he was on the right path. 

“I’m scared,” Akaashi finally mumbled after some time. You didn’t stop holding his hands, you slowly drew circles on the backside of his hands, knowing that it brought him comfort. 

“Scared of what, Keiji?”

“You.” 

You looked up, and Akaashi looked down to meet your eyes. Your eyes met his and you were quite sure everything around you stopped. His dark eyes reminded you of the bottom of the ocean. They were dark, hiding secrets you would only know if you swam all the way down. Fortunately for you, you weren’t scared of drowning, and as you looked into those heavenly deep eyes, you could see yourself sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 

Akaashi’s eyes held so many emotions, so many unsaid words he wished to convey. 

“I’m scared of the way you make me feel. I see you and I stop breathing.” Akaashi stared into your eyes. His lips lightly quivered and you knew that the words coming out of Akaashi’s mouth would be the most important words you would ever hear. “When A/ex/g left me, I never thought I would love again. I was so sure that I would never open my heart again, and then you stood by me every single day and you always smiled at me and you--you never let me feel alone, y/n.” 

You let out a small breath. Akaashi had never been this vocal about his feelings for you, and your eyes began to water. You weren’t quite sure where Akaashi was going with his words, but you were just glad that you were here to hear them. 

“It hurts. I just want you to have the best and I’m not the best y/n.” Akaashi’s watering blue eyes locked on yours and you felt your heart break as you heard Akaashi’s next words.

“I’m not the best for you, y/n. You deserve better but I’m greedy and I don’t want you to leave me but I can’t give you much. I’m a mess and I’m anxious and I can’t really breathe and I want to love you the way you deserve but I don’t think I can.”

You watched as a tear rolled down Akaashi’s beautifully pale skin. Akaashi’s words rang in your head, but you wanted to laugh. You wanted to laugh and you wanted to cry and you wanted to hold and kiss Akaashi, but all of that had to wait.

As smoothly as you could, you slipped off the sofa and sat on your knees in front of Akaashi. You held his hands in yours and you looked up at him. 

You pulled your hand away from Akaashi’s to wipe the tears that spilled from his eyes. The ocean was bleeding and you hated it. You licked your lips and took a deep breath, hoping the tears that had gathered in your eyes wouldn’t fall. 

“Keiji,” you whispered. “Look at me.”

Akaashi lifted his head and almost choked when he saw the love and adoration swirl in your eyes. Akaashi was afraid to look at you because he didn’t want to see satisfaction in your eyes. He didn’t want to see everything he was afraid of. 

“I don’t deserve better, Keiji, you are the best. I’m greedy too, and I’m not going to leave you, ever. I love you, Keiji. I love you with everything I am and everything I hope to be. After all this time, I still love you.” You squeezed Akaashi’s hands. “Keiji, It’s always been you. I’ve only ever wanted you, I love you with your anxiousness and I love you with all your messes. I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow, and I’ll love you forever. There’s nothing you could ever say to me that would make me stop.”

Tears fell freely down Akaashi’s face. He had never been told that he was loved this much. If you hadn’t been staring into his eyes the whole time and clutching his hands like you would collapse if you didn’t hold them, Akaashi would have never believed you. Your words were burned onto his heart, but Akaashi still felt like he didn’t deserve them.

“What if I said,” Akaashi paused. “What if I said I hated you? Would you love me then?”

“Do you, Keiji?” You smiled at him. “Hate me, I mean.”

Akaashi stared at you with vulnerable eyes. “No,” Akaashi let out a small disbelieving laugh. “I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you, y/n. Not when you hold my heart.”

You brought Akaashi’s hands to your lips and laid a soft kiss on his fingers. “You hold my heart too, Keiji. You’ve held my heart since the first day we met.” You pressed your lips against his hands again and then looked up, your eyes meeting his. “You are enough for me, Keiji. You’re more than enough for me.”

Akaashi bit his lips to stop the sob that he knew was coming. Akaashi wasn’t surprised you knew the insecurities that plagued him. Akaashi didn’t know how to react to your words because the way you looked up at him, with your eyes shining, made him want to believe your words. You looked at Akaashi like he had hung all the stars in the sky and Akaashi wanted to cry. 

“Keiji, it’s okay to doubt yourself. It’s okay to be insecure, but Keiji,” you squeezed Akaashi’s hands and pushed yourself up so you were now on your knees and almost at eye level with him. “Don’t ever doubt me. Because no matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that.”

You captured Akaashi’s sob with your lips, having pressed your lips gently against his as he cried.

You tried pulling away, but Akaashi’s hands cupped your face and kept you in place. The kiss was soft, just two lover’s lips pressed together, but it was what Akaashi needed. 

When Akaashi pulled away, you grabbed the glass of water and handed it to Akaashi. 

The writer let out a dry laugh but you didn’t miss the small smile and the way his eyes shined. 

taglist: @h-grangerstudies @elektrosonix @snoozless @iwasumi @ackerpotato @asterroidd @rinrinniesstuff @bokuatsubro @literaleftist @howcanyoubreathewithnozaire @multi-fandom-fanfic @addicedtoeverythinganime @felixsamour @uglystupidbxtch @qualitygiantshoepsychic @megumeee @oracleofdin @aghashiii

daddyjackfrost © 2021 | all content belongs to me, do not modify

[khaleesiofalicante]

fuck I love this fic so much. The way you write this family is unmatched tbh like so few fics from any fandom make me feel this level of emotion and I am so glad I stumbled across it one day. Ok so this chapter: fuckfuckfuckfuckshit. I CANT BELIEVE ALEC WAS THERE AND SAW THE KISS. And the vomiting👍 and the not smoking or drinking yesssssss alec make good choices!!!!! I lovedddd Alec’s conversation with max and it’s so frustrating as the reader to understand what they are both thinking but them not understanding eachother but such good shit honestly. I love max’s character and although I empathised with him and understood his motivations, this chapter really reminded me of the maturing that max is still missing, the way he was speaking to alec was just so obviously TEENAGER. Just the way he was so defensive and not taking in Alec’s legitimate concerns about both his and Davids wellbeing. And maybe it was just because I am an alec Stan first and foremost but I was definitely getting frustrated at Max’s selfishness though I completely get where it is coming from and why he comes across that way idk I don’t want to talk bad about Max I love him but he is frustrating in this scene😭 And fuck alec. ALEC. Alecalecalec. I love this character so much and I think it’s because I relate more to magnus and want an alec in my life but also as an older sibling I really GET him ya know? It’s a mixture between being able to relate and admiration of him. So seeing him falling apart like this was actually really therapeutic because he fucking deserves it. Like other than jace, we’ve not really seen him been taken care of despite suffering just as much as the other characters. And I can’t wait for them to really SEE the pain he’s been dealing with alone. We got a glimpse of this with max which was stunning and beautiful and painful as it should be and I loved how max instantly became so much more childlike seeing his father cry like that. I can’t I just love their relationship and how much max loves Alec and how much he hates seeing alec cry. Of course the ending was tragic and painful and suspenseful and I’m so invested in Max and David and hate it coz I can see where that’s going😭 but I can’t help but worry that it’s going to be another distraction from Alec getting the support he needs because yet again, someone else is in pain and I can see him pulling it together to help max and David (I rlly hope my suspicions about David rn are not correct) and Alec’s emotional needs are gonna get ignored again for the sake of his family. Sorry I know my alec Bias is coming out but that’s just coz it’s a alec centric chapter😅 I love all the characters and have plenty of appreciation for max and David’s relationship but idk it feels like alec really hasn’t had a proper moment of happiness and he needs a fucking break but I’m loving the angst and the buildup and the complications and your writing is perfect ok bye.

Thank you. 💙💙

Here have a Max and Alec tiktok :)

[rozaceous]

ooo yesyesyes ok

and this turned into an essay so i'm gonna put it below a cut so i'm not clogging ppl's dash

what shisui picked up on in anbu: so the tama kanzashi that were hers and given back to her family (and which itachi then wore afterwards) as "proof" she had died -> she doesn't get ones that are too similar afterwards bc it would edge into showing signs of emotional attachment, but tama kanzashi are p common and come in all sorts of styles. hitomi's used to using them, and to help hold back her hair, not just decoratively. the hairstyle is a little distinct. just enough :)

she and shisui would also have trained together and i imagine be very familiar w one another's taijutsu at least. by no means am i a very proficient martial artist, but i've dabbled enough to know that there are some foundational things that never quite go away bc you learned them first.

in canon, too, it seems like common knowledge amongst ninja of a certain level that ne still exists. danzo would probably have to adjust his level of secrecy regarding this afterwards given the differing stakes vs canon, but i imagine there would be rumors.

so while shisui was never the type to think "bc she's dead my life is meaningless" he does latch onto these rumors a little...unhealthily. itachi doesn't end up going into anbu in this verse or else leaves it (wahhhh my memory of the timeline is currently failing me and i'm lazy rn and don't wanna check) (the uchiha standing is still bad but not as bad to justify this + fugaku and mikoto would probably feel differently abt him joining), but shisui does.

shisui isn't quite a spy, but he's definitely playing dumb as suits him and worming his way in where he thinks he needs to be. and if he and hitomi were ever on a mission together (which i think danzo would do, as both test of loyalty and ability, and to be cruel), shisui doesn't put it together right away. tbh i think this happens rarely, maybe only once or twice, just enough for him to 'hm that's weird,' bc i think danzo would like keeping hitomi fairly close. he's one of his prize acquisitions. if not in terms of unique abilities the fuu or torune (bc her fighting abilities def level up), then bc he likes the reminder that he won her as a piece on the board.

she never gets the sharingan, though! and that pisses danzo off a lot :) but some uchiha never manifest it, so tough luck there, bud.

team ro still exists, shisui makes his way onto that, makes his way into meeting tenzo and his spidey senses tingle on that one. and that's his in to hitomi, at least in terms of general info on her being someone danzo keeps close. i think, v carefully and very obliquely, she confirms her identity to him. spy style, yknow. and if the genjutsu of the mangekyou sharingan allow for compression of time within a genjutsu (and shisui is probably better at genjutsu than itachi, for my money), why shouldn't he quite literally catch her eye?

on shisui persuading her to go back to her family: hitomi is the one who kills danzo, but you don't collapse a power structure w a single man. there are more people involved in collapsing things, and one of those people is shisui. regardless, in the aftermath, w shikaku getting installed as the next hokage, there's also a mission to exterminate orochimaru, and they're both on it. hitomi is taking the excuse of eliminating hostiles to the village and being useful as ways to delay going home and shisui tells her to stop stalling.

they have a wedding! idk that there are shenanigans or anything, i think it's very proper. it goes off without a hitch bc itachi would flambé anyone who dared to mess things up. (coughsisconcough)

I love "when my strength is gone I'll stop" with an undying fire. I was going to suggest that you write an au for Mariko where she was dragged into Root, but I must have done at least one thing good in my last life because lo and behold you've written it already. AND IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING (chronologically at least). SHISUI, my HEART. I would sing your praises a thousand times over if you ever wrote more scenes - or even talked about additional plot bunnies you might have had

this is the sweeeeetest omg aww

i don't really have any more thoughts on 'and when my strength is gone i'll stop' but i did have a thought, regarding a tcba no-massacre au i wrote on here a while ago, bc i was sucked into trying to figure out the mechanics of how this would even be slightly plausible (my curse), and well.

the explanation for that is that danzo steals mariko for root (as he hints he'd been thinking of doing in ch 17 of tcba), and she just. decides to fuck everything up for the best :)

[euclydya]

i'm doing alright, we just got lost a nail at work and dr. crane is a madman who just wanted us to?? continue work as usual? so i dipped. i do not have his level of pain tolerance. y'all's last song recommendations were really good; i ended up downloading every single one.

today i am recommending a bunch of shauna dean cokeland's music bc she is releasing a new song on spotify at midnight!

my recommendations are: this song saved my life by sdc for billy, moving in place (the song she is releasing this song tonight!) by sdc for eddie, electric blue by sdc for steve, reflections on the screen by superorganism for your jonathan, and "listen to your heart" "no." by cheekface for will. i hope he is doing alright over there.

dr. crane also wants poe to listen to truth is in the dirt by karen elson

Jesus christ that sounds painful what the fuck ausixiaks

We're glad y'all are okay though!! Those are all super great songs too, we don't fuck with TikTok but DAMN are there a lotta good musicians on there apparently omg

Our recs!:

Howard - Cake Bake Betty

Very,,, Haunting, I guess is the right word? We don't listen to her much at all but I Love the sounds and vibes of her music so far!! -Steve

The Mind Electric - Miracle Musical

ok now we're diving into the Important Songs™ JDJDIDKDKF

I suggest listening to this on YouTube cuz the first like 2 minutes is in reverse and it is. Cool but annoying to listen to. But anyways!! This song is. Super important to me! For some fucking reason! Cannot explain How Or Why but I. Love It. Especially this mashup that has like Every existing version of the song in it HFJFKF -Eddie

Tumbleweed - Puscifer

When we need to ground ourselves, this is one of our go-to songs,, It's also one of Those Songs™ in our library that has a lot of meaning/symbolism to a lot of people in our system, but for Billy and I specifically it's just... a good reminder to keep fuckin going tbh. -Groves (Billy's asleep rn lmao. She's fine just tired)

Good Morning, Captain - Slint

I don't,, know how this ended up on my playlist? I don't remember Listening to it before today actually lmao but looking through collective memories I can see Why it's on there, the ending lyrics are a punch to the gut honestly they're just so. Raw And Emotional. As are the rest of the lyrics, but those last few at the end of the song,,,, damn. -Jonathan

Daydreaming - Radiohead

I am doing just good I tthink! I'm getting used to. Being a person again and! talking! and! being! a person! :D /genuine

and ummm our Jonathan isn't letting me suggest the song I had in mind because it's "disturbing sounding" and "fucking unsettling" and he's like "what the fuck?? are you ok????" and i Am I just like songs that sound horrifying apparently! HDHDDHD

This is a good alternative though !! very very soft and quiet and feels like a soft blanket, when I make my playlist I'm putting this one on it ASAP (along with the song you recommended for me too!! I love it thank you!!) -Will

(His original choice was fucking. It's In My Blood by Coil, if you're curious. It's just,, 4 minutes of ambient noise and weird screeching with barely any lyrics it is So Goddamn Unsettling to like Everyone in the system, god fhfjdjd

Poe really likes the song Dr. Crane suggested for her too btw!! Her suggestion is Grace For Sale by Terrance Zdunich! -Jonathan)

[azucanela]

Dating korra would include

BEING KORRA’S S/O[GENDER NEUTRAL]

BEING ZUKO’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: life with korra from confession to marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNINGS: no major spoilers 

A/N: SOMEONE WITH T A S T E, i hope you don’t mind but i kinda just did the same thing i did for my zuko headcannons so feel free to scroll straight to the during the relationship bit if you just want dating korra h/c :D 

also i have 300 followers now what, i literally had 200 like yesterday hi everyone <3 um i really need to start pulling out all the stops

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

she’s a simp.

that’s it. thats the headcannon. she has literally liked you since she met you and has said nothing, but you probably know since she’s so damn OBVIOUS ABOUT IT

korra is very in tuned with her emotions so when she realizes she likes you she’s pretty okay with it, a little more flustered during your interactions, but after a while her goal is to make you feel how she feel which is flustered.

she has no shame though, she knows she is hot and she wants you to know she thinks you are hot

lots of flirting on her end, so naturally you kinda begin to think she is joking and think nothing of it

this was not her intent, and now that you are desensitized to her flirting and not reacting flustered like you did when she first started she is frustrated™

you were not understanding that she very much likes you

stupid

she hasn’t said anything outright to you about it though, which is the main reason you are like lol this is a joke, my crush fake flirts with me i am okay

spoiler alert: you are not okay with this it hurts ow

so now shes getting ridiculously affectionate with you, which, tbh, she always was, but not its RIDICULOUS, korra is out here throwing an arm around your shoulder, randomly grabbing your hand, kissing your cheek

shes trying really hard to get her point across like really really hard

like painfully hard

if she likes you its probably because your fun, like you really spice up her life and introduce her to new things and go on really dumb adventures and really important missions with her and you put up with her and wow now korra is simping oops

you’re also probably forcing her to stay healthy, since i honestly think that despite having such an appetite, korra will forget to eat and take care of herself sometimes.

she is so bad at drinking water i swear to goD

there are two situations here

situation one is where korra finally realizes that you CANNOT READ SIGNALS AT ALL and decides she going to be upfront with you about her feelings

she’s either going to just flat out kiss you next time she sees you or spill all her emotions, of both in no particular order

you’re like reading in your room in the air temple, just vibing, and you see her coming towards you with a determined look on her face and you’re like ??? lol okay

you go back to reading only to have her hand reach under you jaw and she brings you into a kiss and now you’re like LOL OKAY

you honestly think that this is just another one of her stunts to get you flustered and means nothing

stoopid

and then she pulls apart and just starts spilling her feelings and you’re like :O omg me too 

and she’s like, “great, we’re dating now.” and suddenly she’s kissing you again, and between kisses you’re like, “im sorry what?”

“you heard me. do you have a problem with that?”

you just kiss her again

situation two is where you get sick of her and realize woah she may or may not be in love with you and so you confront her, and now there is a lot of yelling because you are frustrated™ and like screw you korra

you honestly think she is either madly in love with you and just doing this as a joke, and you genuinely think the latter is more like so you lowkey start crying and korra immediately begins to panic

she’s like, “why would i ever joke about that! i’ve literally been trying to get that through your thick skull this whole time!”

this time you kiss her first and korra is throwing a party in her head but she also feels really bad for making you cry oops

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

okay so korra happens to be very much a simp

and you happen to be very much the mom friend™ it doesn’t matter if you are a boy girl or none of the above, that is your trademark my friend

she’s very affectionate and now that the two of you are dating she is at a whole new level.

important meeting? you are in her lap she does not care. war meeting? she is cuddling you as you explain the plans of attack and DAMN DO YOU LOOK GOOD DOING it

since being the avatar is MUCH more a political position now though, she does try to keep your relationship slightly on the down low, even before you were dating, you both had reporters constantly asking about your relationship and she doesn’t really like that

they are nosy and she does not approve. korra understands wanting to know about her avatar duties, but anything outside of that in regards to her personal life annoys her

loves kissing you, and when she does it tends to be intense and passionate. after a particularly tough day though, her kisses can either be slow and sensual because she just wants to have a nice soft and domestic day with you

OR

they can be harsh and almost brutish, she will get rough with you because she is highkey pissed at everything that day and making out you with is her stress reliever

really likes cuddling and anything domestic in general. she’s really happy with you, and she kinda has all the love languages

she seeks validation when the press is particularly harsh since being the avatar is HARD and as much as she wants to, she cannot please anyone, so please tell her she is doing amazing

so many acts of service up in here, she will randomly do stuff for you, spontaneity is kinda her vibe ya know

very vocal and expressive about her feelings, communication is key with her

arguments aren’t a rarity tbh, but when they do happen they tend to be more of debates over little things like what’s better, pineapple pizza or no?

major fights tend to end poorly since she can be a little stubborn when it comes to such things, but she will admit she was wrong and apologize IF she was wrong

if she wasn’t wrong but the argument got out of hand, she’ll apologize for that but will affirm her correctness

kiss her scars, she has them, and she is proud of them but 

support her at her pro bending matches and she will DIE, so happy, literally sososososososo happy, hugs you, loves you, yes

treats you as an equal no matter what, even if people think that as the avatar she should see herself as something more than

very protective of you.

like if someone flirts with you, she is clingy x10. if someone hits on you despite your protests, she HITS them. if someone threatens to hurt you, she promises to end them. 

MARRIAGE N STUFF

WELP

she’s gonna realize she wants to propose when she almost loses you, or in the middle of a battle. when the reality of potentially losing you hits her she is gonna realize she wants to live out the rest of her life by your side, protecting you

situation one is where she literally, in the MIDDLE OF BATTLE, without a ring, just proposes. you are being a baddie, bending if you are a bender, fighting the opposing enemy, looking MIGHTY FINE while doing it

“marry me.”

you falter, nearly getting hit as your head whips over to her and you’re like, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

and she throws a giant rock at the opposition, temporarily indisposing them, “yes?? why wouldn’t i be.”

Someone comes up behind you and you elbow them in the face and ram your foot into their knee, knocking them down, “RIGHT NOW?” 

she throws a whip of water in your direction and you dodge it, allowing her to take out the enemy behind you, and you throw a whole dagger at her to do the same. “that was close.” she narrows her eyes at you bc you lowkey look like you wanna kill her rn as you two hide behind a barricade for cover and an explosion washes over it, “you could’ve killed me.”

“you just about gave me a heart attack when you PROPOSED two minutes ago, need i remind you.”

korra raised a brow at you, “is that a no...?”

“do you even have a ring?”

korra gives you a look that gives you the answer and you groan, “i cannot believe you.”

“you really should’ve expected this.”

“i know.”

“i get to pick the ring then?”

“you’re probably going to plan the whole wedding.”

“alright.”

theres a boom from beyond the barricade you two have hidden behind as korra looks to you, “alright?”

“i’ll marry you.” you elaborate, giving her a bright smile.

situation two is more depressing lol

you have been SHOT oops, don’t die pls because korra CANNOT handle it after everything that has happened to her, so if you die she’s done

she’s kinda just sitting at your bed side and it hits her that you could die basically any day now, and she would have so many regrets

she wished she kissed you more, told you she loved you more, held you longer, spent more mornings with you and your bedhead, she wished she learnt to cook so that she could surprise you with a meal when you get home from a long day of work, she wishes she did a lot of things

she wishes you two were married.

korra is now having an existential crisis, and everyone is telling her that she has to go home, get some rest, you’ll wake up eventually, you’ll get better, but you don’t wanna wake up to korra being a mess

she knew they were right, you always scolded her for not taking care of herself, so she decided to follow some of their wishes

Korra cannot bring herself to go home, there are so many reminders of you that it hurts, and she kinda just decides she’ll stay in a hotel and wash up and such.

besides, you are her home.

after leaving the hotel, she ends up going the jeweler and buying the ring she believes screams you

when korra returns to the hospital, she contemplated proposing right then and there, before realizing that you’d probably yell at her for choosing such a ridiculous time and you already had a lot on your plate

once the two of you return home and you are in the midst of recovery, she did learn to cook, so you wouldn’t feel the need to do so, and given your situation she fears you’ll injure yourself further in the process.

you two are eating dinner and you’re babbling on about something you’d read, and she suddenly decides to get up and walk over to you, leaving you like ???

then she gets down on one knee and you are like :O

she’s like, “marry me.”

naturally, you start crying and nodding because wow this is such an intimate moment and just happiness

kissinggggg after that 

the wedding is, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE public, the most private and intimate wedding ever. korra hates reporters after her life as the avatar, she doesnt want strangers at her wedding.

any and everyone she has ever fought beside is there though, its wholesome and nice

definitely cries when she sees you at the altar

her vows are MASTERFUL AND TEARJERKING 

its a pretty basic wedding though, unless you prefer something over the top, the food is nice a mix of both your cultures and favorite things and there’s beautiful lighting

definitely done on air temple island, and tbh tenzin would probably walk you down the aisle because i said so

married life with her is even better, she lives for he domesticity of it all, especially lazy sunday mornings with the light filtering in and you just looking all pretty and having a lil fun

iykyk

honeymoon in the spirit word lads

bolin is your number one supporter

life with korra is a 10/10 i do recommend it

A/N: im kinda in love with korra lol this requests made me happy

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Hundreds of academic studies have been dedicated to observing those who are cursed with a toxic reliance on alcohol or illegal substances. Yet, not many have considered to conflate infatuation with addiction, and so the question that remains is… can one become addicted to a person? To their smile? To their laugh…? Further, it is not uncommon for addicts to substitute one addiction with another to relieve anxiety or stress. Perhaps that was why had become obsessed with distractions. The form of the distraction held little significance to you. Whether it was spending ever spare second outside of the emptiness of your apartment or burning your emotions with the poison of the night.

Your craving to escape reality can easily be traced back to three months ago when your primary addiction was no longer within reach.

Since the beginning of your relationship it was no secret that you were infatuated with the younger twin and his affections. Hanamaki once humourlessly commented that you were oddly obsessed with him, but it was just love. Pure, unconditional love.

And when you were no longer able to drown in him – in the love he offered in return, it was only natural that you sought to fill the emptiness with something else, despite the cost.

Now, when Bokuto originally instructed you to wait at the café for him, you intended on abiding without complaint. Except with the buzz of the champagne slowly fading, you were compelled to sustain the haze enveloping your thoughts. Caffeine would not provide you the fix you required, nor would the bottle of water, clutched in your right hand.

With a palm resting against your cheek, you shifted your gaze to the window, seeking the remedy to the hollowness returning to you.

“Oh. I forgot about that.” The comment mumbled under your breath was referring to the establishment located in the building directly beside yours. It was a small pub that you had passed by on countless nights. Glimmering illuminations framed the storefront, naturally drawing your attention to it; and the neon sign plastered against the window could not have been any more inviting. Each second that passed increased your desire to leave the café, as the dazzling colours sung out to you, summoning you to them.

It was not that you desired to disobey your friend’s instructions – it was simply that you yearned to join the lights, as they were offering you something you could not refuse. Bokuto would message you once he left the apartment, anyway. The few minutes it would take for him to return to the ground level would provide you enough time to return to the café. It was a concrete plan, at least that was the lie you comforted yourself with.

**

As you entered the establishment, the illumination drawing you there had become quite blinding. To battle the sudden strain on your eyes, you squinted, scrunching up your features in the process. The overload of your senses only continued as the speaker located to your right, blasted an unfamiliar melody, welcoming you to a party you were not meant to attend. You considered retreating the few steps advanced into the pub, but then you caught a whiff of an unknown liquor and it persuaded you to stay.

Silently, you proceeded towards the bar, ignoring the quizzical expressions tossed in your direction. The designer clothes gifted to you from your employer did not suit the ambiance of the pub, and it did not help that you were blinking excessively. Your struggle to adjust to the light could have easily been misinterpreted as the side effects of consuming an illegal substance. But you could care less what some random individuals thought about you.

The bartender flashed you a hospitable smile once you took a seat on the barstool, she did not seem to harbour any incorrect assumptions. Instead, she seemed to catch onto the strain over your mascara coated eyelids, something you realized when she issued an apology.

“It’s really bright, I know. It’s like the freakin’ sun, am I right?” The apologetic laughter exhaled by the mixologist radiated an energy that reminded you of someone… Though you could not pinpoint who. “Anyway, honey. What can I get ya?” After placing a napkin in front of you, she removed a glass from the pyramid behind her. The way she curved her eyebrow communicated that she was expecting an interesting order, most likely because of your attire.

“I’ll have whatever she’s having.” Crossing your arms over the wooden counter, you leaned forward with a toothy grin prior to motioning towards the girl seated beside you. “Because it looks like it’ll kill me and I am here for it.” Accompanying your words was a little wink, one that brought the older woman to laugh once more.

“Oh, that’s funny. Because that drink is called poisoned by love. It’s our newest addition.” Your answer satisfied her and communicated volumes about your reason for visiting. She made a mental note to observe you closely for the night, vulnerability and alcohol were a deadly mix, after-all.

“Poisoned by love… Cute. I’ll have two.” The number was illustrated by a peace sign, one that landed upon your cheek with accidental force. Yet you played it off, forcing the smile to remain attached to your mouth.

The sloppiness of the action engaged the bartender’s internal alarms. There was no way in hell she would be serving you anything beyond the drink she was in the process of concocting.

“Let’s start with one honey. Whatever kick you’re losing; I assure you that one of these babies will bring it back.” A nod of affirmation was applied to her head as she presented the final product to you, before settling it onto the napkin. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to see how you’re doing.”

The impact of the mixture did not require five minutes to activate. Two minutes into consuming the drink, one of the patrons beside you informed you that it was not meant to be downed in one motion. That would have been useful advice if it were provided before you chugged the liquid, unaware of the consequences that would follow.

At three minutes you understood the warnings issued by the barkeep, as you were stripped of any grip on reality. Glancing down at your hands, you tilted your head curiously at the injured one, trying to remember how it occurred. When the bartender returned to check up on you, upon seeing your brows knitted in confusion, she recommended you close your eyes for the remaining two minutes. Poisoned by love was particularly potent for the first five minutes if consumed in one go.

The initial high of the alcohol dimmed substantially after the five-minute mark, and soon your memories were returned to you. Brushing your fingers against your forehead, a growl was caught in your throat.

“I can see you’re feeling better.” She quickly removed the empty glass from ahead of you, making no suggestion that she would replace it with a second one. “I think this is also when I tell you that we have a rule against drinkin’ and textin’.” Too preoccupied by the phone within your grasp, you paid little attention to her remarks. It was quite obvious that you were plotting something with your newfound courage.  

“You don’t.” Your attention was torn away from the bright screen for only a second, to squint at the woman in disbelief.

“Maybe not… but it’s not a good idea.” Caught in a lie, she raised her hands then blew out a sigh. But you did not acknowledge the gesture, with your gaze returning to the device instantly.

“On the contrary, I think it’s a phenomenal idea…”

Let’s do it again, shall we -  poisoned by love 

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A/N: I am upset rn, NO ONE LOOK AT ME. the fact my finger slipped and I posted half of this earlier - UGH. bad fucking luck. ANYWAY. >:( If there are mistakes in this, it is because I can’t concentrate enough to edit them. >:( 

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[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤